Becoming Flawesome: Why Your Happiness and Success Journey Needs Rescued
Summary: Are you stuck in a never-ending cycle of work and worry? Does it seem like the long hours, stressful deadlines, and breathtaking goals -- while noble ideas -- are turning your passion into burning resentment? If so, you're not alone. Many entrepreneurs find themselves lost in the drive for success yet feel disconnected from what matters most.
But here's a secret: There is another way forward! It starts with believing that by controlling how we think about happiness and success, we can become "flawesome," -– embracing our flaws and awesomeness –- and wholly live life on our terms.
We believe in and practice that mantra with our clients and team interactions.
When Kristina Mänd-Lakhiani’s team reached out to us with an advanced copy of her new book, Becoming Flawesome: The Key to Living an Imperfectly Authentic Life, in exchange for a review, we dived right into the book. You can grab a copy of the book here. if you are interested in reading it as well. #BecomingFlawesome
Today's post is different than other posts as it is a book review showcasing some great thoughts that I really like.
First off, what is "flawesome," and why is it important?
We’ve tackled this topic before in our LinkedIn Newsletter - "flawesome" is seeing the beauty in your imperfections, dropping the goal of perfection, and finding happiness and success in the journey.
It is an important concept to practice for those of us, that’s right, myself included, who on our entrepreneurial journey find ourselves in one of two places:
- Successful but unhappy, or;
- Stuck in a rut and disconnected from who we are
In my entrepreneurial journey, I’ve been in both places. And because it is a journey, I sometimes slip back into one of the two categories. Because I work on my mind as diligently as my business, these slips don’t last long and don’t greatly impact my daily life.
Getting the Most from Becoming Flawesome
At Your Biz Rules, we have a saying where you find the most resistance when your mind rails against what you’ve just learned; that is the door to your greatest opportunity.
Mänd-Lakhiani shares a similar concept at the end of her book in part eight, “The World is Your Reflection,” a concept I want to bring up because it is the singular way to get the most from reading, Becoming Flawesome. In your reading of the book, you should come across some triggers. In fact, I hope you do. When that happens, the author tells you on page 247 to ask yourself a simple question:
“What is it in me that triggers and irritates me? Why am I reacting this way?”
She shares that if you recognize that you are having an emotional response and dig into why, you ultimately find an area of yourself that offers insight and a path to peace.
This has shown up for me in weird and surprising ways throughout my journey. One of the first ways was when my mentor asked me to read Og Mandino’s The Greatest Salesman in the World. As a dutiful student, I read it. Then he asked me for my favorite chapter and for the chapter that was my least favorite. I was surprised by his next assignment: He asked me to read the chapter I liked the least every day for 30 days.
I can’t tell you what I said was my favorite chapter, but I know the other chapter like the back of my hand. And on the days of my greatest frustration, I find myself repeating the opening mantra, “I greet each day with love in my heart.” The thing I rolled my eyes at when I first read it is often the source of my peace.
You see, I find that he wanted me to read it over and over to see if it was truly something I needed to look at but my mind was fighting me on it. He was right. I did need to embrace the thoughts that were there.
So, I challenge you to the same. If you find discomfort in your reading, sit with it instead of skimming over it. Finding more than one chapter that does that for you is ok. This is how you identify the areas that mean the most to you. Read the book and take things one step at a time.
Who is Becoming Flawesome for?
Mänd-Lakhiani shares her journey in this 8-part book from her childhood into her adult life. She shares experiences that many people will be able to identify with and find parallels in their own lives, especially as entrepreneurs.
Mänd-Lakhiani deals with the inner critic perspective as well. To me, the inner critic perspective, means that there is some judging that tends to erode happiness and motivation.
As I mentioned, I could see much of my journey in the book. So, at first, the book seemed like a precursor to my current experience, yet I was surprised by the nuggets and reflections I found while reading the book.
This book is wonderful for those searching for a better way to find happiness in their everyday lives without having to earn it. Mänd-Lakhiani comes out of the gate and challenges the relationship between success and happiness.
She also brings up valuable advice about owning and processing emotions to improve your Emotional Intelligence Quotient and ways to have an open dialogue with others, even if the conversation is difficult.
The pace and style of writing will make you feel like you are sharing a cup of tea with a friend on a Saturday afternoon and often struck me as a devotion to finding, exploring, and honoring yourself. You could easily read a chapter daily and then journal with the reflection exercises.
Rescuing Your Success and Happiness Journey
This is the first point to accept if you will get the maximum value from Becoming Flawesome. It is the awareness that you may have been going about your quest for happiness backward.
That is, as Mänd-Lakhiani shares - that we are taught to sacrifice our happiness for the greater good of success. She challenges that success does not yield happiness.
At least not happiness as a sustainable way of being.
You may experience a happy moment, but it is often fleeting, which keeps you on the hamster wheel of seeking more success.
What if your put happiness first? If you adopt and choose happiness first, that success becomes a natural outcome and often more beautifully and easily than you ever imagined. It’s the difference between being in the hustle and grind or being in the flow.
It is this journey to happiness and defining what it means on a personal level that the book begins to guide your journey. It’s just that there are many things to address along the way - none hard, but all necessary.
With that, each chapter of the book could be a book of its own. This book does an excellent job of giving you the overview to find the path to your happiness that works best for you.
That is one element of this book that I loved because it mirrors our business's belief that every entrepreneur and business owner has a unique secret sauce; we don’t force a one-way-only approach but focus on crafting the best recipe for the individual.
In that way, this is not a book of answers. It would be a disservice to you and likely take you down paths that end abruptly without moving you forward.
Reconciling the Inner Struggle You Are Fighting
Another aspect of the book I admired is that Mänd-Lakhiani does not shy away from the underbelly of the journey. She addresses some very real questions. She asks, "What is the difference between truth and honesty?"
For that fact, she challenges by asking what is truth, anyways.
This is done with you in mind because by probing these questions, we begin to understand that all of us are on a journey.
Many of the hard frustrations melt away if we can accept and allow ourselves and others to experience transformation.
In part four, "The Art of Imperfection," Mänd-Lakhiani tackles the "masks" or "avatars" we use.
A mask may be a professional “I’m the boss” or the “Loving and caring wife & mother” mask. Wearing masks in your life is not inherently bad. Afterall, a bit of compartmentalizing allows us to focus based on our roles.
In my world, I tend to take off my ‘entrepreneur’ mask when I am in a social situation. I have several relationships where I don’t believe that my business has ever been a topic of conversation. I’m not even sure that these people know what I do.
This treatment of identities is one that Mänd-Lakhiani and I share - as a mask helps me compartmentalize my roles so that when I’m not the entrepreneur, I can be the wife, mother, and human I want to be. So, in a case like this, two of my "avatars" or "masks" peacefully exist, which is very rare for business owners.
More often, these two "avatars" or "masks" conflict with each other.
In our experience with our clients, this conflict has some nasty impacts on the growth of your business and your satisfaction with how you show up in your roles.
In short, a house divided can not stand.
Mänd-Lakhiani tackles this concept to offer a path to alignment, acceptance, and kindness to encourage you to tackle emotional espionage, pointless sacrifices, and the elusive imposter syndrome.
The book offers a path to reconcile the places where your identity is fighting itself and begin to align them in a way that allows you to be present, impactful, and happy.
Cultivating Courage With Kindness
If you’ve been reading our articles for a while, you know that I write about courage frequently and from many angles because courage is a trait you can cultivate.
For business owners, the ability to be courageous is one characteristic that ultimately drives satisfaction, happiness, and success.
One of my favorite definitions of courage is taking action, not because fear is absent, but taking action through fear.
Mänd-Lakhiani agrees and gives several exercises to get you flexing your courageous muscle to expand your comfort zone and keep moving through fear.
As we get into sections 6-7, We take a journey into "Kindness and Courage." In my reading, there was one story the author shared that is worthy of highlighting. On page 203, she shares a story of one of Mindvalley's videographers (Mänd-Lakhiani is a co-founder of Mindvalley), who asks Marisa Peer, one of Mindvalley’s teachers, a simple question: "Does he believes that he is enough in all that he does, won’t he become an unmotivated couch potato?"
Peer’s response is priceless in telling the videographer that one does not stay on the sofa because they believe they are enough. One gets stuck there because they are afraid they are NOT enough.
The fear of not being enough holds you back from being courageous. You find the courage to challenge yourself when you believe you are all you need.
I can tell you the exact year, month, and day that I accepted that I was enough.
It changed my approach to everything. It changed how I invested in myself, the kindness I showed myself on the journey, and the risks I was willing to take when I knew that win or lose - I was still worthy, valuable, and enough. As a side note, believing in yourself does not mean you don’t need others to help along the journey; it changes the impact that the help you receive has on your success.
If you are still spinning your wheels in your business and feel like you’ve tried everything to no avail - you might need to take these two chapters to heart.
Striving for success and happiness in whichever journey we may find ourselves on can be daunting. With the help of Becoming Flawesome, you can identify those blocks and boundaries that keep you stuck in your old, outdated narrative.
The book supports you to lean more courageously into who you are so that you can begin writing new narratives around your growth, self-love, and inner abundance.
When we embrace our flaws and fully accept ourselves without judgment or fear, we create the space within us to become "flawesome." This concept is much greater than what society labels as "perfect."
Please remember this thought: You are powerful beyond measure. Nothing can limit your potential if you believe in yourself. You are worth it.
Do you need help finding your full potential? If so, let’s chat! Find time on my calendar, and let’s help you find it!
Leslie Hassler is a dynamic author, speaker, and business strategist guiding businesses into more profits, cash flow, and success. Business owners come to Leslie seeking a way to strategically scale their businesses richly, stop the money leaks, and get back in control with confidence.
Using her more than 15 years of experience in business, finance, mindset, and more, Leslie takes multiple 6 and 7 figure businesses from cash-strapped and struggling to profitable and thriving with her unique Profitable Growth Incubator program.
Her genius has also been featured on stages around the United States, such as the National Association of Women Business Owners, the Women’s Business Enterprise National Council, and in publications such as Entrepreneur.com.
Leslie is a mother of two high school boys, an avid traveler, a Past President of NAWBO DFW and an alumni of the Goldman Sachs 10K Small Business program.